Encountering the tragedy of suicide

I received a call the other day from a fellow deacon asking for prayers as a close family friend of theirs just lost a teenaged son to suicide. He was the third such young tragic death in that community over a period of just a few weeks. I prefer to be as specific as possible in my prayer, but in this case, I had to ask myself, where do I begin? The issue is multifarious, going beyond the angst-ridden teenager who has elected to leave this world. He is certainly in my prayers, as are his forever to be disfigured family and his community left bereft in confusion. Clearly prayer and healing is needed all around but for very diverse purposes.

There is so much confusion that surrounds teen suicide. Is there anything reasonably rational about the act? If not, why are there feelings of guilt and irresponsibility sensed by the survivors? Human nature seeks culpability; upon whom should it rest? Intense grief is experienced as evidence that there had been great love. What value had been placed on that love? What does this mean for his eternity? How does the Church view this act; this death; this person?

We have to begin by understanding that within each unique set of circumstances there is a unique person who makes the choice to take his own life. And only his merciful Creator can fully understand that choice. Yes, there are patterns of behavior that we can observe. It seems sometimes to be the signature of adolescence to be so self-absorbed as to lose all perspective of reality. Do we account this to hormonal or chemical imbalances or to environmental factors or perhaps a combination of the two? Who knows? But we struggle on, nonetheless, because there is good cause to avert the next tragedy.

Church clergy have not always dealt with these situations in the best pastoral manner. Emphatic statements have been made about the sinful nature of despair and such choices that are made that separate us from God. In an effort to show that despairing behavior is not condoned by the Church as within the teachings of Christ, clergy have at times and in some ways been callous to the wounds of the survivors. This has done damage to the Church through the damage to its believers. As we go forward let us remember that on this pilgrimage we should all seek to be nourished on hope in the depth of God’s mercy which is beyond our understanding.

And this of course should be our own enduring refrain that we faithfully impart to our adolescent loved ones. We can only begin to fathom the depth of the love that God has for each one of us. This love for us and our lives is given by him freely and unconditionally from the moment of our creation to forever. His prayer for us is that we live our lives fully and share his love abundantly.